New adventures in life!!!

So some of you may know because of my facebook, but for those of you who don't, I am now officially a Beach Body coach! For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically me being able to inspire people and motivate them to want to change their life, just like I am doing! I have an amazing coach Berns :)...she introduced me to this program Turbo Fire and started a challenge group. I figured what the heck? It was on sale..why not? I'm so glad I did it! Its been an amazing jumpstart for me! Along with the turbo fire, I started Shakeology. It's a once a day meal replacement, and it actually tastes yummy! I got the Tropical Strawberry because I'm normally not a fan of chocolate flavored things (or just chocolate for that matter lol). Along with the turbo fire, I have been learning all about clean eating. No, it's not a diet! It's about changing your food choices to make it more healthy (instead of slapping on sour cream to your tacos, do greek yogurt instead...way more protein and tastes the same!). Little changes like this have helped me not only lose weight, but lose inches everywhere on my body!

This is my 6 week progress picture! I almost cried when I saw this! But even more exciting was the fact that I had people wanting to know how I did it because they wanted to do it too! If I can inspire just one person to want to fit, then that makes me happy :) So my friends if you would like to know my secret ;) feel free to email me either on facebook, or to tricia.ruiz@ymail.com. I would be MORE than happy to help change your life and make you feel happy about yourself again (and just in time for summer too).
That's it for tonight! I will hopefully be updating this waaaay more often now, so stay tuned and follow me on this new journey in my life. I only see good things coming now!

A tour of my room!

Hello everybody!

I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend. I did! We got to meet some of our neighbors across the street. They are really nice, and the wife teaches Zumba 4 days a week. I love it! I have never done that class before but it is definitely a work out! I love dancing, I would rather dance then go run on a treadmill. I go at 8 in the morning, and that energizes me for the rest of the day. So this past week I have been organizing my room, and decorating more. Mostly just pictures of course. So I figured I would share with you what I have been up to! Enjoy :)

My pretty bed :) I still have to buy 2 more pillows because the set came with 2 more fancy pillows.

Above my bed I put a collage of Ami and Sami.

In the headboard I have a picture of each of the girls on both sides.

On the wall to the right is my tv, and above that I have 2 candle holders (which I still need candles for) and another collage of my girls of course :)

To the left side of my bed is my nail polish rack that I made all by myself. I'm very proud of this :) My mom and I just got the Sensationail Kit that comes with the gel polish and LED lamp. Let me tell you that stuff is amazing! I can do dishes, swim in the pool, jam my nails in the door if I wanted to and they don't chip! It went almost 2 weeks like that!

On my left wall i just framed this card I got for Mother's day this year from the girls. Just a little something special to put up.

On my dresser I have this picture of me and the girls on Easter. (how cute are those sunglasses btw?)

The other side of the dresser has these little plaques my parents got me. They are right where I get ready so it's nice to have a little encouragement :)

Right by my door is this little canvas thing. Hanging on it is an angel they passed out at my little cousin's funeral. It's kind of like a guardian angel :)

Oh i also put these gazillion pencils I have in a clear solo cup ("clear solo cup, I lift you up, let's have a party!" hmm doesn't quite sound the same lol) I will probably never use these, but they were all in the dollar section at Target and I just loved them!

My closet was a complete mess!! But now I hung all of my bags and purses on hangers, and my scarves on the rail. That last one on the right belongs to the wonderful Tricia Frost (holla!) I love this closet because it has a bottom and a top rail, so i can fit more stuff in there.

Right below all the scarves I just hung my hats and belts. I also just stuck the little coin purses back there too. I didn't know where else to put them lol

And finally I made this little door hanger with the leftovers from Ami and Sami's room. 

I know this isn't my room but I had to show you these! I got them a long time ago because they were on sale. They are just foam glittery letters. Here is a close up:

So that's my room! I love having my own space that I can decorate as girly as I want. It's nice not having to make it gender neutral anymore ;) My next project is going to be the girls' room. I have some great ideas for that! hehehe

Overall, this first month of living in the new house has been wonderful. I absolutely love living here. I love being in Ontario again instead of all the way in Corona. There is one thing I don't particularly care for. The squeaky rodent that was outside the other night. I kept hearing it, and I swear it was a possum or something! But when I told my dad the next day, he said it was probably the pump to the pool. Well that's better than a rodent haha.

Oh and one more thing, there was a lizard outside today, and Ami decided she was going to "rawr" at it so it would get scared and run away. She wouldn't even walk to the pool, I had to carry her lol. Silly girl. 

Moving: My room

So we are making progress this week... The big move is still tomorrow! But my room was put together. All I need is a mattress and a comforter set. Here are some pictures, more to come!

Change is good.....right?

So this is my first blog post from my iPhone! I didn't feel like getting my laptop all set up, so I decided to try this...
As I have mentioned before, my family and I are all moving into a new house. This week has been tiring, but not as tiring as this weekend will be, when we actually unpack the boxes and organize everything. I'm really excited, but yet I find myself still getting sad at times. I come across a box of random stuff that was in our junk drawer, and it makes me remember my house in Washington. Or I come across pictures that were hanging in our living room and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I know this is all going to work out, it's all going to be ok, but I am human, and a girl at that, with emotions that are really hard to control. I don't like change. Never have. I didn't wanna graduate from high school. Not because I actually liked it, but because I was getting thrown out of my comfort zone. Moving to another state was hard (both times) but i adjusted and that became the new normal. The same thing is happening now. My family had lived in this house for almost 14 years. Now we're moving somewhere new, not far, but still a new place. I just wish the circumstances were a little different. But I can't change that, and that's something I'm working on.
A little update on the move: we have most of the stuff in the new house still in boxes. Friday is the big day, when we move all of the furniture and stuff we still use. We have had lots of help this week from family and friends, and will have even more help this weekend.
Well I'm tired. And I don't want to go into details about the rest of my day. Let's just say, divorce isn't fun my friends... Keep the prayers coming :)

Life Update!

Yay it's naptime for the girls! Lol that means i get to blog finally! I know I said I would do it the other day but I left my laptop at my parents' house so I couldn't :(

So, many of you probably already know what's going on with me, but some may not. Again, sorry if i'm random. My thoughts are just all crazy in my head! And also, if you think this is all too personal and I shouldn't be sharing, then don't read :) I just want everyone to know that I am not doing this to bash anybody, and I have respect for Corey and his family who may read this. This is not meant to start any war, it's for my own self. It helps to write stuff out sometimes, and I don't mind sharing my life and what I have learned. Maybe someone reading this will be going through something similar and find some inspiration in my blog :)  Ok....here it goes..

I am now a single mother. It goes back to the holidays....Me and Corey were having some issues (what couple doesn't?) We had a baby on the way, christmas coming up, and it was hard. I'm not gonna deny that. I know I wasn't the easiest person to deal with. But any woman who has been pregnant knows how hard it is. I'm not making excuses for my "edgy" attitude, but just know guys, it's not all rainbows and smiles! Anyway, I guess our problems were more sever than I thought, because there was talk that he wanted to just end it. Ok. So I do everything in my power to try and change my attitude. I obviously didn't want my marriage to end. But I felt like my efforts were going unnoticed, and any time i was feeling slightly irritated, or just tired from being pregnant, it was like i wasn't allowed to feel that way. I can't perfect all the time ;) So the christmas season was not as happy as i would have hoped. I felt like i was faking it in front of my entire family and all of our friends, like we were this happy couple. But at the end of the day, there were many tears, and many sleepless nights of me worrying if i was going to have a husband anymore. This went on for almost 2 weeks. Then miss Samantha entered into the world, and let me tell you, that was the best and worst feeling. I had this beautiful new baby in my arms, and I had a man who I didn't even know anymore sitting next to me. He was different. He wasn't the same caring husband i thought he was. He started smoking again, cussing more, and even listening to weird music.. they seem like minor things but they all together made him to be someone i didn't recognize anymore. 

We had a big talk a few days after coming home from the hospital. We both cried, I told him i was willing to do anything to keep our marriage together, and we agreed we would do counseling or whatever we had to to make this work. Things were going really well. Then when it was time to go back home to washington, we realized we wouldn't be able to afford it until taxes came. So he left and a few weeks later was going to return for us. That all changed shortly after he got there. He was just done. It was like out of sight out of mind. It was so easy for him to just say goodbye, while i was left here with a shattered heart and 2 beautiful girls to take care of by myself. And this all happened while I was up in Santa Barbara with my best friend. Thank God i was with her and not home alone. She was amazing. She let me cry the whole way home! (so sorry Nikkie lol) There were so many thoughts running through me head. My girls are going to have to split holidays, weekends, they're not gonna have the same last name as me, Ami is gonna wonder why i'm crying so much. It was way too much to handle. I stopped eating for a couple days, and i didn't wanna see anyone or do anything. Yet I had to because my girls were depending on me. I thought my world was over, but then I would see my beautiful daughter Ami playing and smiling at me. She doesn't need to see me so upset. I'm the one she's going to look up to. So I didn't really have much time to be sad. 

It's been 3 months since that day. And I am much stronger than i have ever been, and i'm very happy with life right now. I don't know what I would do without my family and closest friends. My parents have been amazing. My dad flew to Washington and drove a truck back with all of our stuff. They both babysit when I have to run to the store. They have been there to support me and be a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed them. Same with my siblings. My sister would give me just a simple hug whenever I would see her. My brothers are a little more quiet about the whole thing (they're boys after all). But I know they don't like what's going on either. My friends have been amazing too. Some of them wanted to kill him at first, no need for that ladies lol. But i'm so thankful I had them. Nikkie, Drea, Tricia, Christina, Raven, Jennie, Amanda, Berns, and my family, Carissa, Andrea, Ginger, you have all helped me in one way or another...Whether it's letting me call you crying, or just sending me a text to tell me you're thinking about me or babysitting for me, I appreciate EVERY one of you. 

So the next chapter of my life is about to start. My parents, me and the girls, and my brothers are all moving to a new house next week. It's much bigger, so we can get away from our huge family if we want some alone time ;) and it's in Ontario, so I will be much closer to everyone again. I'm still currently at Corey's dad's house in Corona, and him and Marie have also been amazing. I'm really excited to move, get my own room, and start my life again. It's not easy going through a divorce at such a young age, especially with 2 little ones, but i have to say i am very happy with the way it's going so far. It's been civil between me and Corey, almost friendly (almost lol). He was down 2 weekends ago visiting the girls, and i saw him, and it was fine. I was nervous about it obviously, but i couldn't have asked for it to go better. I got to enjoy and entire weekend to myself, and it was so nice. He told me he appreciates that i do all of this by myself, and doesn't know how I do it. I'm glad i'm getting some recognition, especially for him, because it's not easy.

Well that's my story up to now! I'm doing great, my girls are growing every day and they bring me so much joy. I have reconnected with some old friends, made some new ones, and become closer to the ones i had already. I know that my future will be a good one. And maybe one day if i'm meant to get married again, he will love me AND my girls. I don't think it gets much better than that. I don't know what's in store for me, but I know that this just means I will find something better, and amazing, and i will be happy. I refuse to let anyone take my happiness away. I have my girls to keep me smiling anyway :)

Its' been too long!

So I decided I'm going to start writing on here again. I know it has been a long time, and I'm sorry for those of you who have been wondering lol. It's nap time for the girls right now, and I don't know how much time I have. But later I am going to actually write an update blog :)

Life has been crazy the past few months, and I have plenty to write about! So stay tuned! 

Well it's another day...Another day of missing everyone, another day of feeling crappy, another day of just blah. I'm tired of feeling sad and depressed all the time. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not doing enough around the house. I'm tired of feeling distant from my husband. I'm just tired. Not physically (let's face it, i don't do enough to be physically tired), but emotionally. I don't remember feeling this way with my first pregnancy, but then again not all pregnancies are the same. I would think at least mine would be though. I can't wait until my next appointment on wednesday. The last time i went the dr. had told me about a counseling program, but of course i can't remember where or when it is, so i'm gonna ask her when i go next week. Hopefully that will help me. I also wanted to try and find a church out here. (when does church NOT help right?) A friend of mine told me about one out here, unfortunately i looked it up and it's an hour away :( i might still go at least once to check it out. I am willing to drive that far at this point. 

Yesterday i had another wonderful "episode" of back nerve pain. Corey was at work, and I was playing with Ami in her room. She is so talkative and excited to tell me everything, it's the cutest thing. Sometimes it's too much i don't know what she's saying! But i layed on the floor on my side, and when i went to get up, i couldn't. My nerves just shoot pain all through my back and legs, it's unbearable. So i kind of wait of few minutes, and try again. Nothing. So i ask Ami to grab my phone which is down by my feet. I'm trying not to freak out, so since i'm calm Ami thinks it's a game and takes about 5 minutes before she actually brings it to me. When i look at my phone i have a text from corey saying he has to take chow to guys in the field, and he won't be home till 8. (it was about 5 at this point). Of course, i freak out, because i dont know how i'm gonna get off the floor, let alone get out to the kitchen to feed Ami and myself. I call him (crying of course) and tell him what's going on, and how i can't move. He immediately tells me he will have someone cover him and he gets home pretty quick. He wanted to take me to the emergency room, but i didn't really wanna go. I mean, it's not like they were gonna do anything for me, as i experience just 2 days before. He is kind of annoyed with me though. Why would i not want to go and try and get some help? But i have my reasons, and honestly, i don't need anyone getting mad at me right now. So we have a little fight, on top of everything. Mind you, i'm still laying on the floor. I told him just help me out to the living room and let me rest for a minute and maybe it will go away. Then he decides to inform me that he told his 1st Sgt that he was gonna take me and would bring back paper work to him. So now i feel guilty for not going (again something i really don't need at this point). Sometimes, i feel like he doesn't understand what's going through my head right now. I don't think anybody does. Now i'm not using this blog to bash on my husband, so if you're reading this and think i'm being ridiculous, i don't care. I love him, and we were fine within 10 minutes. But i'm so tired of feeling guilty for having these emotions. If i wanna cry about something, let me cry. If i'm moody and don't feel like talking, don't sit here and pout about it. If i don't clean up my dishes when i'm done eating, do it for me, please. By the way, i have told all of this to corey, and he reads this, so it's not new to him. 

I don't think i have ever felt more useless and disgusting in my life. I hardly do my hair anymore, why should i? I shower and just let it dry on it's own, or put it up. We know how crazy my hair can get. I literally feel like i'm just a lump on the couch. I feel like my husband sees me as lazy. I feel like ami wants me to play with her, but i can't, and that is the worst feeling. I think out of everything, that's what is bothering me the most. She deserves a good mommy that will play with her. A mommy that will show her a good example. Not someone that sits and does nothing. I don't know.....I just don't know what to do anymore. I wish i could fast forward to having this baby, and going back to my normal self. I wish i could stop feeling guilty all the time. I wish i could just have a hug from my mom. Or sister. Anybody. Corey gives me plenty, but i wish i had a woman here who knows what kind of emotions i'm feeling right now you know? 

Just breathe. That's what I keep telling myself. That's all I can do. Anyway. I'm done for today. I'm gonna try and nap now. Get rid of this headache i now have.